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Posts Tagged ‘worrying’

For as long as I can remember, I always believed that whenever you have a situation with which you need to deal, the answers can be found inside of you and not from others.  In one of the lyrics that are contained in the “Let Life Happen” CD, the words are “the answers are inside the mind, they’re really not so hard to find”.  I have since learned that the first part of that lyric is still correct but the second part is a totally different matter.  Let me explain.

I currently weigh the exact same amount of pounds that I did when I was 18 years old and a senior in high school.  I want to lose weight.  I have tried just about every diet in the book and even when I successfully would lose some pounds, I always managed to gain back that weight.  Believe me, I can empathize with Kirstie Alley.  I have read about “set points” and metabolism and the need for exercise and counting calories and counting carbohydrates and fat and the not eating after 6 p.m. and the need to drink more water, etc.  until I am blue in the face.  And I tried all of the variations and still end up in the same place.

Then I went to my collection of books that all indicate that everything that is occurring within you physically is mentally manifested.  That made sense to me so I decided to get to the bottom of this issue with this unwanted fat.  Everywhere I looked, I found the same thing – that the fat is being retained as a means of protecting me.  But from what am I seeking protection? 

Over the years, I went back to all of the hard times and addressed each one of them, one at a time.  I reviewed how I felt about each individual issue, discovered what I had learned, forgave anyone to whom I may have directed responsibility and released it.  I truly believed that I had covered every possible issue, situation, wrong, whatever and I still hadn’t gained any ground.  Then out of the clear blue sky, something really hit me two days ago.

Whenever I was discussing my weight with anyone, I always said that I had been thin until I was 7 years old when I had my tonsils removed.  I have believed all of these years that the tonsils must have been the cause of my not having a big appetite as I remember my parents forcing me to eat when I had no desire to do so or didn’t like what we were having.  And then I had to go to the hospital to have those tonsils removed.

I finally went back to that time and the only thing that I remember of that surgery was that I woke up in the middle of the night in a very dark room with my throat feeling like it was on fire.  I knew that I had a button that I could push to call the nurse but I was so scared that I could barely move and never did find that button.  The other thing that I remember is that I was told that I could have all of the ice cream that I wanted when I had those tonsils out.

Ah, ha!  What did I learn from that experience!  It was the ice cream that was the only thing that could soothe my pain and that I was alone and scared when I was in the dark hospital room and I would do anything to protect myself from going to that darkness again. 

I have continued all of these years to protect myself by soothing myself with comfort food whenever I start to get stressed.  After my three recent surgeries, I managed to find my way out of not staying over in the hospital for even one night, thanks to the kindness and understanding of my cosmetic surgeon.  And two days ago, when I went to a fund raiser event for breast cancer research at the offices of that same cosmetic surgeon and was walking through the hallways past the various treatment rooms, I had the feeling that the experience was a bit scary.  That was the trigger.  There should have been nothing that was scary about it but that was my feeling.  But my willingness to examine why I felt fear is what has finally allowed me to discover from inside what I was protecting and I am looking forward to bringing about a very successful change in my eating habits as a result.  It will be interesting to see if I have finally found the answer to something that I have sought to change for virtually a lifetime.

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I have a theory. If each one of us took the time to consider the consequences of our actions before we said or did something, we could create a really happy life for ourselves. I came to this conclusion recently as I contemplated how to best handle a rather sticky situation with which I am currently dealing. Quickly stated, I recently had a consultation with a doctor to whom I had been referred by the medical group in which I am enrolled. At the end of the consultation, I was a bit uncomfortable with the way he had chosen to address the matter under discussion and as a result of his subsequent actions I had decided that I did not have the trust in him to perform a surgery that I would need. But then I started to second guess myself. After all, I am not a doctor. What do I know about this procedure? But, I just could not shake the feeling that there was something wrong and that perhaps part of the hesitancy on my part was that I didn’t want to confront the matter.

Then I became extremely uncomfortable about having to confront this situation but I knew in my gut that I could not just let the matter go. I knew that I did not want to create any type of a bad situation for this doctor. After all, he just wasn’t the right one for me but I am sure that there are plenty of other individuals who have been very pleased with him. I needed to find another doctor but I wasn’t sure how I should do that. I considered asking my primary care physician but I had called her and asked for a recommendation before I made the appointment for the consultation and she indicated that any one of three within the group was fine. So, now I have eliminated my PCP. In addition, I don’t think that I would have been comfortable walking into the same office to see either of the other two doctors that were in the same practice after “firing” their partner.

The situation was growing. This surgery was to be one of a two part surgery being done by two different surgeons. I had discussed the matter with the other surgeon before my consultation and he indicated that he knew the other surgeon and he even addressed the matter with him directly before my consultation. After the consultation the two doctors spoke again and the consulting doctor indicated to the second doctor that he did not want to do the combo surgery and after hearing his explanation, the second doctor called me and indicated that he was fine with doing them separately.

I called my second doctor back and am waiting to hear from him. As I wait for a call back, I keep running over and over in my mind how I want to explain the situation without coming off “wrong”. I wake up during the night trying to figure out exactly what I want to say and then I can’t go back to sleep. I am getting nervous with the anticipation. But finally this afternoon, I decided that enough is enough. I have taken into consideration all of the information with which I have to work. I have researched the names of some other doctors who meet the criteria that I need and plan to ask for a recommendation from my doctor when he calls. And if he doesn’t have a recommendation, I will just have a consultation with one of the other choices and make a decision when I have met with a doctor with whom I am comfortable. After all, this is my surgery and I must first consider what is best for me and take responsibility for my choices. It doesn’t really matter what another doctor may think about those choices. This is my life and I need to be comfortable and in a positive frame of mind in order to expect the best outcome. And that applies to every aspect of my life. Now I have a smile back on my face!

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Worrying

I have noticed that whenever things get really crazy, there is nothing that I want more than just a little bit of quiet time.  But when I finally get that quiet time, I find myself looking for something to do.  I have taken time to go to a quiet place to meditate on many occasions and I wonder why I am not able to do so at will.  Now I finally discovered that when I want that peace and quiet and can’t find it, it is because I am worrying about something.

 

Now I know that worrying about something is absolutely of no value.  It doesn’t change anything.  It is a complete waste of energy.  But yet I do it.  I just keep running my thoughts around in my head with no other outcome than the fact that it drives me crazy.  So I decided that I have had enough and I wanted to end this craziness.  I just had to figure out how?

 

I began by reviewing a number of times in the past when I had worried about things.  I remembered what I was thinking at those times that had caused my worry.  Then I thought about the ultimate outcome of those situations where I had worried.  To my amazement, there was not one single situation where all the things about which I had worried had turned out the way that I expected.  So why couldn’t I just stop doing this?  Well, I believe worry is nothing more than an expectation of a negative outcome to a particular situation where I do not have enough information.

 

Okay, so now that I figured out this part of it, what could I do to get more information?  Depending upon the particular situation, this can range anywhere from doing personal research to asking others who have knowledge of the particular situation.  I could also put together all of the information that I had and try to work out some sort of logical explanation or understanding or possible potential outcome to the matter.  In most cases, this did not work because there were just too many variables for which I could not account.

 

And if I couldn’t get more information, then what else could I do to counter the worry?  At the very least, I need to talk about the issue.  I need for others to provide their input which gives me some additional perspectives.  I can get reassurances that all will be fine and that nothing ever turns out the way that you expect.  And when all else fails, I just need to fill my head with a mindless TV show or focus on something absurd to the point where I completely forget what it was on which I was previously wasting my time.

 

The bottom line is that sometimes you just have to have certain experiences in your life.  No one else can tell you what to do.  The experiences of another may be similar but no one has walked a mile in your shoes.  Therefore, even though two people may experience the exact same situation, their individual experiences will not be the same because of the individual lives that brought them to the same place. 

 

So the heck with all of it!  Enjoy the day.  Live your experiences and try to put on them the most positive spin that you can because regardless of the outcome, you will get out of any situation exactly what you put into it.

 

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