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Posts Tagged ‘self pity’

As we celebrate this wonderful holiday that marks our freedom and independence as a country, I couldn’t help but reflect on the personal freedoms that we have as individuals living here. I am so grateful for the rights that I am guaranteed and which I so often take for granted. And I am so fortunate to have the freedom of choice that so many other people in this world will never know. That is why I want to reflect on that particular gift at this moment.

As I look back over the choices that I have made in my life, I am really satisfied with them as they were always made with the most information that I had available at the time. As with everything in life, we learn and grow as individuals each day and if we obtain additional information as we go that may be in conflict with what we previously thought about a situation or individual and if that information is detrimental to us and/or other family members, etc., then we can choose to change those circumstances. However, it is very hard to make wise choices for ourselves when we get wrapped up in the emotions of a particular situation. I think that the biggest inhibitors are blame and guilt.

How many times have you heard adults justifying their behavior or choices by suggesting that that is what they were taught? Or what about those who choose to do something because someone else told them to do it? They get so wrapped up in blaming someone else for their choices that they completely miss the opportunity that they had to create a better outcome for themselves.

Similarly, when someone makes a decision that results in a less than successful outcome, they feel guilty about it. But why should you feel guilty? Unless you choose to do something that is harmful to someone else, there should be no guilt involved. You did the best that you could with the information that you had and if you find out later that things were not as they appeared then you have the choice to change those circumstances.

You have the right to make choices. You have the right to be a victim of your circumstances. You have the right to blame others for your situation. You have the right to wallow in self-pity for the situation in which you find yourself. However, you also have the right to be happy. You have the right to create the life that you want. You have the right to treat others with kindness and love. But, most importantly, you have the right to choose whatever you want for yourself because you live in a country that guarantees you that freedom. I hope that you choose well.

I would love your comments.

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So I had my surgery on Tuesday and everything went well.  I have tried to stay focused on all of the positive things in my life but I think that all of the stress of two rounds of cancer and three surgeries and the loss of my brother in a little more than a year began to catch up with me.  I could only see all of the sad things that had happened and couldn’t help but wonder if this was only a prelude to the future.

Thank heavens that Kirk had taken the time off from work this week to spend with me and basically do everything possible for me.  He has taken care of my every need and I don’t know what I would have done without him.  That is why it was most important that when I completely fell apart, he was also there for me. 

He listened and listened and listened as I talked and sobbed and told him how I was feeling.  He understood that it had nothing to do with him and that which was most important was my just being able to vent.  I talked about not only the current frustrations of the last 6 days but also about how they were just the latest manifestation of the same patterns over a very long period time.   

After I was done, we chatted for awhile and afterward, I felt such a great sense of relief and release that I knew that I could no longer hold on to the past and the behaviors that had led me to such sad, sad feelings.  I suddenly realized that I felt better than I had felt in quite some times.  I didn’t want to feel like I had in the recent past and I am determined that what is in the past will remain there.

Regardless of what else may come my way, the most wonderful holidays are right around the corner and I intend to enjoy them and am anticipating them as much as I did when I was a little kid.  Thanksgiving has always been my favorite and this year I have even more than ever for which to be thankful.  I will be spending Christmas with my family and sharing the time with those people who love me the most in this world.  And then there is the New Year which represents a whole new beginning but this year, I do not intend to wait until January 1.  Today is the beginning of my new year and my new life and the most exciting things yet to come and they are all just covered with a big mound of whipped cream.  Kirk will understand that!

   

 

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