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Posts Tagged ‘husband’

The most important relationship that any girl has with a parent is the one with her father.   As today is Father’s Day, I felt that it was only fitting to discuss the relationship that I had with my own father that formulated the person that I am today.

First of all, I would like to make it perfectly clear that I loved and respected my father very much. But, my father was raised in a very strict environment and that is the home that he created for us.  I was the middle child with an older sister and younger brother.  My brother was only 15 months younger than me so I was never really the baby.  As for my sister, she was the first to experience everything so that it wasn’t as exciting by the time things were handed down to me.  Of course, this included clothing as well as just about anything else that you can think of.

The biggest thing that both my sister and I faced with our father was that he was extremely concerned with our appearance.  For my sister, at a young age (under 10), he put her on an exercise regimen that included sit-ups, etc.   Since that didn’t work for my sister, he decided that he would put me on a diet and if I didn’t lose 10 pounds by summer, I was not going to be allowed to wear shorts.

The other big thing for me was that my father, and later my brother, never felt that I measured up to my potential.  Nothing that I could do was ever good enough.  When I got great grades in school, it was expected, not rewarded as they were for my brother and sister.  When I became a cheerleader, my parents never once came to any game or to any parade in which we marched.  When it was college time, there were three of us in school at the same time so I stayed at home to go to college and worked every day after school from the time that I was 16 so that I could pay for my own education.  My reward was that there was never enough money left for me to get new clothes, etc. after they got those things for my brother and sister and paid for them to go to college out of town.

As a result, when I found a man who was interested in me and gave me attention, I was “grateful”, I guess.  I finally had a male who thought that I was something special.  My dad didn’t seem to think that I was special so I would show him.  And when I got married and my dad told me that I was not welcome in his home if I brought my husband because he did not approve of him, well, that was the final straw.

Although I didn’t experience any abuse from my husband until after we were several months into the marriage, I could not bring myself to let anyone know.  After all, I had once again proven my dad right by not being smart enough to know what I was getting myself into.  It was up to me to either fix it or be smart enough to find my way out of it.  What a mess! 

I never did figure out what was going on at the time that I was in that relationship but I did learn so much about myself.  Although it took until the point where I could not stand the abuse any longer for me to leave, I am so glad that I had the presence of mind to do so.  And the most interesting thing is that it was my mother and father who were there to move me out the day that I left.  How ironic!

I would love your comments.

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Today Kirk and I celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary.  It would have also been my parents’ 68th anniversary if they were still alive.  As I told Kirk at the time, I wanted to get married on that date because if our marriage was half as successful as theirs was, I would really be very happy.  Well, all I can say is that our marriage is so much more than I could ever have imagined and I can’t help but reflect on some major events.

Kirk and I originally met at a restaurant called “Romeo & Juliet’s”.  It was on April 8, 1989 which was my father’s birthday.  My father had died on January 2, 1989 and I do remember that as I put the key into the door of my apartment when I got home, in my mind I thanked my dad for the presents that he had sent to me on his birthday (also met another special person on that day).  Although in my wildest imagination I never thought that Kirk and I would end up being married, I do know to this day that my dad was responsible for sending him to me and for that I am eternally grateful.

Music was the original connection for Kirk and me.  I loved to see his performances and could never tell you how much joy they brought to me.  A couple of years after we were married, I started waking up on Sunday mornings with song lyrics running through my mind.  Now I had never even thought about being a lyricist but I started writing down the words and in most cases, I had a completed song within about 20 minutes.  I decided to share them with Kirk who had never composed music in the past and he was inspired to write the music for them.  I don’t believe that anything happens by accident.  And from those songs, we decided to have Kirk record a CD which ended up being titled “Let Life Happen” which is also the title of one of the songs on that CD.  I also want to share that one of the songs on that CD, “Don’t Change”, was written by Kirk for me on Valentine’s Day.  What a treasure that was to me.

As Kirk built the website for our music and we endeavored to share that music in the hope of helping and inspiring others, we did receive a lot of feedback from people letting us know what the songs meant to them.  I had a very dear friend who was a two-time breast cancer survivor that was actively involved with helping others by preparing gift baskets for the women in their area in which she lived.  We provided her with CD’s to include in the baskets until she again had a return of her cancer and she past away.

Shortly after I had my first cancer surgery, two additional cancers were found and I elected to have a double mastectomy.  At that time, Kirk suggested and prodded and nudged me about writing a blog.  It took him two weeks to succeed and he chose to convert our music site into my current Let Life Happen site although you can still check out our music there.  Because of his support and love and caring and sharing in all arenas, I have finally been able to address issues that were buried so deeply that I would never have thought they would ever resurface.  The care that he has taken with me through 3 surgeries encompassing 4 procedures with one more surgery to go that will include 2 separate procedures has been phenomenal.  I can’t even begin to imagine what we will accomplish together as we are starting another new year together.  All that I can say is that I truly know that I am blessed and I thank God each day for allowing him to be in my life.

I would love your comments.

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I stopped by the office of one of my colleagues last week to see how she was doing. Monica is a wonderful person who is married, has 3 young children and she is also taking care of her parents who live in her home. Her father is a diabetic who is receiving dialysis several times a week and whose health has deteriorated to the point where he now needs around the clock care so she has been looking for a facility for him. She is doing all of this and working a full-time job as well.

As we chatted, I mentioned that I just don’t understand how she does it all. She responded that what she has had to deal with this year is nothing compared to what I had to handle with cancer and that I have served as an inspiration to her. Very frankly, I couldn’t understand how this could be so.

I thought about what she had said and tried to give it some perspective. I finally realized that the reason that I felt that what I had experienced was not that big of a deal was because of love and support that I had received and continue to receive from my husband, Kirk. Whenever I had anything with which to deal, he was there. When surgery was scheduled, all I had to do was show up and he took care of everything from there.

It is difficult to explain how the constant support of my husband made all the difference in the world. He has always been so supportive with everything that needed to be done around the house as we both work. But now he was doing everything that you can imagine and more. Not only did I not have to lift a finger to do anything but he also went above and beyond to help me have something else on which I could focus by doing special things like getting me a gift card for shopping online. He was also the inspiration for this blog and set it up for me and still handles the site and the postings each week. I can’t even begin to list everything that he has done for me. I was always physically and mentally as comfortable as anyone could possibly be under such circumstances and could not have wanted for anything more.

My husband was and continues to be my inspiration and there will never be any words or deeds or gifts or anything that I could do or give to him that would ever express my true gratitude. To have someone in my life who is so loving and caring and giving is everything to me. He is a shining example about how we should love and cherish one another and as a result of what he has shown me, I want to find a way in which I can help and support others in their personal struggles with cancer. If I can give to others at least a portion of what he has given to me, I know that I can make a real difference in those people’s lives. There is nothing more important to any of us than the support of others and knowing that someone cares.

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Today is April 8th and this is a very special day in my life.  It was my father’s birthday.  My father passed away on January 2, 1989.  On April 8, 1989, I met Kirk and another special friend.  I remember that as I returned home after meeting these two people that I realized that it was my father’s birthday and I thanked him for the gifts that he had sent to me on his special day.  Little did I realize at that time that my father had actually sent to me that day the man that would ultimately become my husband.

 

Kirk and I had moved to Nashville at the request of some music executives that were starting a new record company and who wanted to have Kirk record for their new label.  However, they never received the final funding for their new venture so we saved up our money and moved back to the Los Angeles area to start over.  I had taken a temp position with a company with whom I wanted to have a long-term association and I was hired as a permanent employee starting on, of course, April 8th.  And I am still working for that same company today – 12 years later.

 

I believe that this was my dad’s way of helping me after he had crossed over to the other side.  I don’t think that anything happens by accident nor do I believe in coincidences.  If I take the time to think about things in retrospect, I can see how the happenings in life have a purpose and how they provide me with the opportunity to learn new lessons at each step of the way.  And as long as I continue to think this way, I find that everything that happens allows me to grow in peace, prosperity and happiness in this life.

 

My ultimate challenge is finding a way to help others to understand this basic premise.  Life is simple.  If we choose, we can make it difficult but it doesn’t have to be that way.  I recently had a long conversation with a friend who was totally in the “Woe is me!” mode, who believes that the tough times that she has experienced are some of the worst ever and who faces each day worrying that more of the same trials will come her way.  It was most difficult for me to not say to her that as long as she stays in that mode of thinking, more than likely, those same trials will, in fact, come her way.

 

There are three things in play here for her.  First, we manifest what we think and believe.  As long as she puts out into the universe that she expects more trials and tribulations that is exactly what she will draw to herself.  Second, in each tough moment, we have the opportunity to learn a lesson.  If we choose not to learn our lessons, we will have the opportunity to have more and more of the same experiences until we do learn or until we crumble under the weight of the negativity that we have created for ourselves.  And third, we need to take responsibility for the choices that we make.  I will reserve further comment on that until next week.

 

I thank my father for the gifts that he has sent my way since his passing, not only on his birthday but throughout the years.  I thank him for showing me the purpose of awareness so that I have been able to expand it into all facets of my life.  And I thank him now for the help that he will provide in the future in helping me to find the way to share the things that he has taught me in my quest to help others.  And I will know exactly the moment when that happens as I will have been able to help someone else to understand the things that I know and live.  I just can’t wait for that to happen so that I can share his gifts with others. 

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Yesterday was one of those days that lives in your mind forever. Earlier in the week, Kirk had indicated that he had a surprise for me on Sunday but wouldn’t tell me what it was. Okay, that was fine with me. He told me that we had to be ready to leave by 8:45 a.m. and gave me an indication of what would be appropriate attire. I was ready on time and shortly thereafter, a limo pulled up for us. Wow, this was going to be a blast.We went out the door and I arrived at the car with Kirk closely behind. And when the driver opened the door, there were 3 of my best friends with tons of food and drink already loaded in the car for us as we headed out for my first “girls’ day” ever as Kirk headed back to the house to do laundry. You see, the girls had the idea to do this excursion and in collusion with Kirk had set up the whole thing together. Oh, and I did have one more surprise as we headed out to pick up one other very special friend who lived at some distance away from the rest of us.Now, while we had a blast heading into wine tasting country to do a lot of sampling and enjoy a lovely outdoor luncheon together, what we did was nothing in comparison to spending the time together with these wonderful women and the knowing that my friends wanted to do this for me and that they had engineered this entire adventure with my husband who also wanted me to have this special opportunity.

I can’t begin to tell you what it feels like when the people who are the closest to you want to create such a memorable experience. The positive energy that is generated by such a gesture of pure love and caring is something that you can only really feel and never be able to put into words. To be surrounded by such special people makes you feel like you own the world and that life just doesn’t get any better.

Three of these women did not know the fourth one before this day but everyone got along very well. And when we arrived to pick up my last friend at her parents’ home, her mom opened up her place to all of us and got out a bottle of champagne for us to have a toast together before we went on our way for the rest of the day.

But then again, my friend’s mom is just one of those ladies with all of the style and grace of one of the classiest women that you could ever meet. And despite all of the physical assaults that her body has taken, you would never know that anything was wrong because she always has a smile on her face and a kind word for everyone else. What a treasure she is! Now that I think about it, I guess the reason that I appreciate her so much is because she reminds me of the classy woman that my mother was.

At our last stop, my fourth friend made a call to another of her friends who lived in the area and she joined us, too. I had heard about this woman and when we met, I knew immediately that she too, was another very special person. Again, I couldn’t put any of this into words but I knew that I would never forget this meeting. We just hugged and it was like we had known each other forever. How happy I was that things had worked out the way they did for this meeting to happen.

Wow! What a day! What an indescribable experience! What happiness I have in my life as a result of friends who bring so much to me. And how awesome is my life to have a husband who not only would go to great lengths to give me a wonderful surprise but who would also be willing to help me by doing laundry while I was out having my day to remember. It doesn’t get any better than that.

 

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