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Archive for November, 2008

I don’t know about you but this 4-day weekend was just what I needed. After a wonderful traditional dinner that Kirk and I shared, we kicked off the Christmas season by lighting our tree and enjoying the last of the holiday’s football games. And I knew that I could sleep in the next morning and had absolutely nothing that I needed to do for the next 3 days.

Now don’t get me wrong. Having 3 days with nothing that I had to do didn’t mean that I didn’t accomplish anything. But I spent the time sharing it with Kirk and having lots of fun. I shopped online for Christmas gifts and I found a few things for myself. I watched football and some holiday movies. And somewhere along the way, I found the holiday spirit.

For 4 days, I did not think about the economy nor did I watch the news channels non-stop to make sure I knew what was going on. I didn’t think about work and everything that I would have to do when I returned on Monday. I proceeded through my days with a mindset that I haven’t had for some time now. I let go of the past and stayed in the moment and laughed and smiled and enjoyed each moment. And although it takes a lot of work, I am going to remain in the present and have all of the fun moments that I can possibly make.

Having had this time off has helped me to put things into perspective. I think that I am going to set aside a couple more of these 4-day breaks throughout the year for rest and revitalization and playing. It is so refreshing and invigorating. I need more fun and less seriousness. After all, life is whatever we choose to make of it. It is time to go back to being the person that I used to be with lots of smiles for everyone and tons of laughter to fill my days.

And if I remember correctly, a ton of light-hearted, predictable Christmas movies thrown together into marvelous marathons will just do the trick. And each day I will try to think of something that would be very special for one person on my gift list so that by the time the holiday arrives, I won’t have any last minute stresses. This year I do intend to make it a matter of “it’s the thought that counts”. And if I do get into this habit during the holiday season, I think that will make it easier to continue it long after the last Christmas decoration has been tucked away for another year.

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It’s my favorite day of the year. I love everything about this day – not only all of the traditions that we have created in our family but mostly because of what it stands for.

I think that I am the most grateful person in the world today. Since last year, the cancer returned but is now gone and everything is looking very promising for the future. I had wonderful doctors to help me along the way and am so very happy to have my life.

I am so very grateful for the most wonderful spouse ever. I don’t know what I would have done without him in facing all of the hard times but he was there every second of the time. That is not surprising because he has always been right by my side during the hard time and he makes the good times totally remarkable and fun. There is nothing more important to me.

I have a job that I really enjoy and the promise for the future looks good there also. It is so great to join a group of people each day that support each other and help each other and laugh together. For this opportunity, I am ever so happy.

We have two autos that are working well. One is a company car for Kirk. Our second car which was 20 years old and in pretty bad condition was recently replaced by a used car that we were able to obtain in a most incredible deal under terms that we could afford – and we did not have to deal with a single car sales person. How would I not be thankful for that!

We have everything that we need to make a wonderful life together and that is most important. We don’t need fancy things nor the biggest and best of everything but we have exactly what we need which is trust and understanding and most of all, love.

So on Thursday as I prepare our traditional dinner and we sit down to share not only the food but also all of the things for which we are thankful, I will have the longest list of all. I will reflect on the past year and be appreciative for all of my good fortunes. And I will also know that in the coming year I will be grateful and thankful for each and every day of this life that I am given. And as long as I feel such happiness inside for everything that I have, how could I want for anything more?

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For the past week, I have been pondering about what I wanted to write. After all, I promised that I would make up for the blog that I missed last week when I had a bit of the flu and was not up to writing. And each evening, I would think about a new subject but rejected them all.

I thought about writing regarding the aftermath of the elections. There was so much going on with regard to the current status of the automotive industry and how everyone believed that they had the right resolution. But, no agreement could be reached.

There was Prop 8 in California whereby the voters rejected marriage between couples of the same sex. I watched as people fought with one another, literally, and tried to force their personal beliefs on each other. I had hoped that the intolerances between groups of people would have subsided by now.

I watched the stock market going up and down and up and down, faster than a yo-yo all week long while everyone was trying to determine why this was happening. Lots of people would comment on it and then realize that what they had said had nothing to do with the reality of the situation.
Then there was the naming of the individuals who would be part of the new administration in January. Boy, did that send the stock market up but as soon as it closed for the week, the announcements came about the new bank failures and everyone was all upset again.
I have decided that I am not going to pay attention to all of these goings on any longer. Yes, there are people who are struggling in this economy right now but there are always those who are struggling. At least this time others are paying attention and looking for solutions.

I believe that the current situation is mostly fear driven and for that reason I have chosen to sit back and not provide my usual editorial comments on any of the above-referenced issues. I will watch to see what happens over the next several months as I hope that the entire world works to solve the problems that are affecting all of us. I am hoping that by saying absolutely nothing that I will not be feeding fuel to a firestorm that does not exist and that instead, I am going to put my good energy into the hope that everyone will learn that we are all in this together and that if we all work together, anything can be accomplished.

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I have not been feeling well for the last several days and still am not up to par. Therefore, as I am not able to post a blog today for this week, I plan to write two blogs next week to keep me up to date. I am sorry for the fact that I am not up to posting and will make up for it. Thank you so much for your understanding.
Will be back in a couple of days!

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I can’t believe that it won’t be long until I have written a weekly blog for one entire year. As I sat here tonight, I pondered whether I had the energy, even if I did have an idea, to write before the end of this day. After all, who would care? Who pays attention anyway? Would anyone even notice, other than Kirk, who does the actual posting? I know he would understand if I didn’t write.
I thought of lots of excuses. After all, I am really tired. I went back to work on Monday, just 6 days after surgery, which I am not sure was the smartest thing that I could have done. But, I promised that I would be there and I couldn’t break my word.

Thank heavens that the election was called early on Tuesday night because I just couldn’t imagine going to bed without knowing the outcome. After all, I followed this election on an almost daily basis for two years. I had to know if there was going to be any chance of a peaceful night of sleep.
Wednesday was filled with another busy day at work and off to the doctor’s office for my post-surgery follow up. Ah, the relief that one experiences when those drain tubes are removed and you can go home and take a shower. Despite the lack of energy, there was no way that I would have missed my appointment as I personally set the time and date and I really couldn’t wait for that time to come.

And then there was Thursday morning when the alarm went off and I didn’t know whether I could even get up and going. I just couldn’t get comfortable sleeping during the night and even the thought of getting ready made me more tired but I just knew that if I got up and going, I could get though the day.

By Friday morning, I had had it. I got up with some terrific pain and as I pushed through my getting ready, it got so intense for awhile that I thought that I would be sick to my stomach. Okay, it was a Friday and I certainly could make it through. After all, I had lots of work to do and I sure didn’t relish the idea of anything more piling up for the following week.

Don’t you just love the weekend? I pushed through, kept my commitments each day and although I was feeling far from perfect, I had made it. And when I got home, Kirk had done a ton of work so that I wouldn’t have to be bothered by anything and I could just relax the whole time.

I did get extra sleep over the weekend and the pain continues to subside with each passing day. Although I am not looking forward to going to work tomorrow as I usually do, I will be there bright and early and will succeed at giving it all that I have to offer. After all, I am committed to be there and to do the work that has been assigned to me. Just thinking about it makes me tired. I think that I will go to bed!

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So I had my surgery on Tuesday and everything went well.  I have tried to stay focused on all of the positive things in my life but I think that all of the stress of two rounds of cancer and three surgeries and the loss of my brother in a little more than a year began to catch up with me.  I could only see all of the sad things that had happened and couldn’t help but wonder if this was only a prelude to the future.

Thank heavens that Kirk had taken the time off from work this week to spend with me and basically do everything possible for me.  He has taken care of my every need and I don’t know what I would have done without him.  That is why it was most important that when I completely fell apart, he was also there for me. 

He listened and listened and listened as I talked and sobbed and told him how I was feeling.  He understood that it had nothing to do with him and that which was most important was my just being able to vent.  I talked about not only the current frustrations of the last 6 days but also about how they were just the latest manifestation of the same patterns over a very long period time.   

After I was done, we chatted for awhile and afterward, I felt such a great sense of relief and release that I knew that I could no longer hold on to the past and the behaviors that had led me to such sad, sad feelings.  I suddenly realized that I felt better than I had felt in quite some times.  I didn’t want to feel like I had in the recent past and I am determined that what is in the past will remain there.

Regardless of what else may come my way, the most wonderful holidays are right around the corner and I intend to enjoy them and am anticipating them as much as I did when I was a little kid.  Thanksgiving has always been my favorite and this year I have even more than ever for which to be thankful.  I will be spending Christmas with my family and sharing the time with those people who love me the most in this world.  And then there is the New Year which represents a whole new beginning but this year, I do not intend to wait until January 1.  Today is the beginning of my new year and my new life and the most exciting things yet to come and they are all just covered with a big mound of whipped cream.  Kirk will understand that!

   

 

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