Archive for September, 2008

I just realized that it is Saturday and I haven’t written a blog for this week!  Where did the time go?  It was really busy at work, the economic situation grabbed a lot of my attention, I was working on a special project for someone, the football games have been riveting and the new season of primetime television programs have begun.  And there is the never-ending health issues and doctor appointments to deal with. No wonder it is Saturday and I had completely lost track of time.

I am not really happy with myself for the time that I have devoted to the political issues.  I have watched hours and hours of news programming, listening to everyone talk about what the candidates meant when they said certain things.  Then there are the pot shots taken at all of them and the jokes that are being made of each of them that are based solely on pushing a political affiliation.  All the while, I haven’t heard much from the candidates themselves and when they do have the opportunity to speak out, their comments and commentary have to be basically of little or no substance because everyone knows that each word and sentence and thought will be twisted and turned to the point of being totally unrecognizable.  So I have finally decided that I am not going to hear what I need to hear in order to make an educated decision and I will not waste another minute of my good time on this matter.

Next is the economic situation.  Here again I have watched and watched what was happening in this country over the last several months and am constantly reminded about the fact that so many people that have power abuse it because they are greedy.  They know what they are doing and how it will hurt others but they think that they are smart enough to get away with what they are doing and there will  be no consequences and they will have accumulated a pile of money – and they are right.  Our leaders in government are doing the same thing with their audacity in thinking that they have the economic knowledge to handle the situation and have no desire to embrace the assistance of economists who have studied these issues for a lifetime.  It comes down to whether it is the Democrats or the Republicans who get the job done and it is necessary to put a plan into place immediately so that their candidate can get voted into office in order to grab the power for the next four year.  It doesn’t matter what the long-term effects are since they don’t care about “the people”.   It is all about their individual power so I have spent more than enough time on this issue as well.

That leaves me with working, helping others, enjoying a great football game, catching up on my favorite TV shows and looking out after my health.  Now that is a list that I think is perfect for me.  I don’t know where I went wrong in spending so much time and energy on the other issues but I sure am glad that I finally got out of that rut and can spend all of my energy on lots of positive activity for myself.


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I personally believe that there is no justification for lying.  Others believe that it is okay to tell “little white lies” in certain circumstances and some believe that it is okay to lie in order to protect yourself or to advance yourself in business or in personal situations where they don’t want to “hurt somebody”.  I don’t agree.

Now I must say that as a kid and in growing up, I lied.  I was afraid to get into trouble with my parents and have to suffer the consequences.  But, as an adult, I don’t lie.  Yes, I don’t lie – ever.  It has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion but regardless of the outcome in any of these situations, I was able to walk away with pride in myself for having upheld my principles and in every case, the other person or people knew for sure that they could trust that whatever I said was the truth.

What would ever justify my lying?  I just can’t think of anything.  If I have made a mistake on the job, for instance, I believe that I need to own up to it, apologize if warranted and do my best to fix the situation and not repeat the error.  And I have never found that any mistake that I made was big enough for my bosses to consider firing me.  In those situations where my bosses have requested that I lie about something in order to protect them, I won’t do it and if I am asked to do something that is against my personal principles, I refuse. 

If that gets me fired from a job, I will do what I need to do in order to inform those higher up on the ladder about the circumstances involving such an incident but if my employment is predicated on my lying, I am in the wrong position.  And I have found that whenever I was honest, it brought me more respect from others than my successfully lying my way out of any situation could have ever produced.

In personal situations, I apply the same principle.  If you ask me a question, I will give you an honest answer.  That doesn’t mean that I can’t find a way to respond in a way that is not a personal attack on someone else or to reply with an answer that is demeaning to someone else.  And if I have done something that undermines the relationship that I have with someone else then I need to own it, do whatever I can to fix the situation and to understand that if that is not enough, then I will have to suffer the consequences if the other person no longer wants to associate with me.

I don’t want to ever put myself into that position.  It is so much easier to live by the golden rule, respect others and not do things that are hurtful.  What also happens is that if I pay someone a compliment or tell them what a great job they have done or express how grateful I am for something positive that they have done for me, that person knows that I really mean what I am saying and therefore it is much more meaningful to them.  The way I see it, the end result will always be a win-win situation.

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Last weekend, the three major television networks staged a major fundraiser for cancer research and raised more than $100 million.  What an awesome outcome!  That got me thinking about what I might be able to do to help others since I don’t have great financial resources and decided that my role would be a little different.  I want to be a resource for breast cancer survivors who can share their experiences with someone else who has gone through the same thing or is about to do so.


Now I know that there are lots of organizations out there that are wonderful support groups for cancer survivors.  But I also know that there are lots of people out there who are like me who do not wish to join groups, who do not wish to go to meetings and face others in the midst of their own very personal battles and need a different type of resource available to them.  I believe that there are those who would like to have a venue available to them where they can express their feelings or address questions from their own emails or through a shared website and I would like to provide such an outlet.


So I thought that I would begin by providing the following email address for anyone who may want to use this type of forum. It is www.barbarajacoby@gmail.com.  I welcome your expressions of experiences, feelings, questions, etc. and would like to share them with others who may be helped in their own battles or who would like to have feedback from others who have shared their particular experiences.  The purpose is to provide a positive outlet for everyone.  Should the response be of significant interest, I would like to expand this forum to our own support website.


I know that when I received my first diagnosis of breast cancer I would have loved to have had such a resource available to me.  I felt very alone and did not want to discuss my feelings with anyone else, in person.  When I looked for online resources, I found medical sites with outdated information and nothing else that didn’t feel rather impersonal.  By the time that I was diagnosed the second time, it was a different story and that difference came from the information that I had learned the first time around that took away the fear that had been that first experience.  If I can help even one person to not have to experience that fear, then I will have succeeded in this project.  And if I can establish a network for others to help by sharing their experiences and information then many others just might be spared the fear that many of their predecessors have experienced.


So if you would like to be a part of this experiment or have any input that you would like to provide, please feel free to contact me at www.barbarajacoby@gmail.com and see what we can do to make a difference.

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Okay, so we all have them.  There is not one person who doesn’t feel insecure at times in their lives.  For some, it is a daily battle.  For others, as they mature, they learn how to put things into perspective and manage them.  But how does one go about doing this?


Most importantly, it is imperative to realize that everyone has these feelings.  From there, it is a choice to either give in to your insecurities or find a way to deal with them.  And if you choose to deal with them, it takes work, just like anything else that is important to achieve.  Although this applies to all areas of life, I choose to address insecurities in the workplace at this time.


Those who choose not to deal with them are easy to spot.  Their insecurities are mired in low self-esteem and the belief that no one understands or values them.  They spend all of their time and effort telling others how much they know, how qualified they are and how no one appreciates their knowledge.  They also blame everyone else for whatever goes wrong and refuse to take responsibility for their own actions.  And they spend their efforts in gossiping and bad-mouthing those around them who have achieved more than they have and resent anyone who advances ahead of them


Of course, they also choose to undermine other people who are successful and choose to withdraw their cooperation from the rest of the team.  They believe that the most important thing is to collect a paycheck and try to convince everyone else that if they are not being recognized that they will just show everyone else by not working and then everyone will see that the team cannot prosper without them.  And in their efforts to sabotage the operation, they cause resentment among their co-workers, do not get their work completed and ultimately have to be fired for their non-performance and/or the bad morale that they create.


But for those who choose to deal with their insecurities, the path is just the opposite.  For those who are feeling insecure on the job, they will rise to the occasion and go the extra mile on every task.  They do everything that is possible to be a team player.  If they do not feel that they have enough knowledge to do the work that is theirs to handle, then they do everything possible to get the additional education that they need whether it is in school or on the job.  They are wise enough to know to whom they need to go to get answers when needed.


Such people do not waste time in gossiping and talking about others behind their backs.  They realize that should they engage in such behavior, they are sabotaging their own status.  And if they are engage in making a positive difference and reputation on the job, they realize that their time on the job needs to be spent on the work and that there is never enough time to do both a good job and be a part of the bad behavior.


If you tackle your work and do the very best that you can each and every day, the sense of pride in your achievements will soon wipe away any feelings of insecurity and your co-workers and bosses will recognize your efforts.  Then if those who are insecure choose to gossip about you in negative ways, they will have lost all of their power over you and they will have absolutely no credibility with anyone else.  It is your choice!

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