The most important relationship that any girl has with a parent is the one with her father. As today is Father’s Day, I felt that it was only fitting to discuss the relationship that I had with my own father that formulated the person that I am today.
First of all, I would like to make it perfectly clear that I loved and respected my father very much. But, my father was raised in a very strict environment and that is the home that he created for us. I was the middle child with an older sister and younger brother. My brother was only 15 months younger than me so I was never really the baby. As for my sister, she was the first to experience everything so that it wasn’t as exciting by the time things were handed down to me. Of course, this included clothing as well as just about anything else that you can think of.
The biggest thing that both my sister and I faced with our father was that he was extremely concerned with our appearance. For my sister, at a young age (under 10), he put her on an exercise regimen that included sit-ups, etc. Since that didn’t work for my sister, he decided that he would put me on a diet and if I didn’t lose 10 pounds by summer, I was not going to be allowed to wear shorts.
The other big thing for me was that my father, and later my brother, never felt that I measured up to my potential. Nothing that I could do was ever good enough. When I got great grades in school, it was expected, not rewarded as they were for my brother and sister. When I became a cheerleader, my parents never once came to any game or to any parade in which we marched. When it was college time, there were three of us in school at the same time so I stayed at home to go to college and worked every day after school from the time that I was 16 so that I could pay for my own education. My reward was that there was never enough money left for me to get new clothes, etc. after they got those things for my brother and sister and paid for them to go to college out of town.
As a result, when I found a man who was interested in me and gave me attention, I was “grateful”, I guess. I finally had a male who thought that I was something special. My dad didn’t seem to think that I was special so I would show him. And when I got married and my dad told me that I was not welcome in his home if I brought my husband because he did not approve of him, well, that was the final straw.
Although I didn’t experience any abuse from my husband until after we were several months into the marriage, I could not bring myself to let anyone know. After all, I had once again proven my dad right by not being smart enough to know what I was getting myself into. It was up to me to either fix it or be smart enough to find my way out of it. What a mess!
I never did figure out what was going on at the time that I was in that relationship but I did learn so much about myself. Although it took until the point where I could not stand the abuse any longer for me to leave, I am so glad that I had the presence of mind to do so. And the most interesting thing is that it was my mother and father who were there to move me out the day that I left. How ironic!
I would love your comments.
i too can relate to my dad never thinking anyone i was with was good enough. yes, he was right but i can say he has ALWAYS been there for me. i may have had to hear what he had to say but at least he was there. as his three children was growing up the only way we saw him was to go to the busines he ran but he was brought up the the men work and the women take care of the children. he may not have been there for us emotionally but now that we’re grown up i think he realizes what HE missed as we were growing up. although at times what he had to say was not always worth the help we got or get from him. yet i know he loves his children and his 9 grandchildren very much.
Thank you for that! I do miss them everyday and will always be filled with gratitude that I had such wonderful parents.
My sister died from Ovarian Cancer and I like to spread the word. It is so hard to detect that most don’t discover it until it is too late.
When I lived in L.A. I used to volunteer for the Revlon 5k for Breast and Ovarian Cancer. It was a most amazing experience. The energy that was there was quite something. I wish they could bottle that!
I guess I am one of the luckiest ones! I had TWO wonderful parents. They both gave me strength, love and support. I miss them every day.
My dad had a very heart wrenching death. He died from the effects of dementia caused by diabetes. At the end he didn’t even know who I was.
My mom died before him from a broken heart ,you see my sister died from cancer 2 years earlier and my dad was in a nursing home with dementia.
My dad died 1 1/2 yrs later. So within 3 1/2 years I lost my whole family.
But I will never stop being grateful for the wonderful and caring family that I had.
Oh, I am so very sorry for your losses in such a short period time. I can’t begin to imagine that. It is so wonderful that you had such a super life with them that will far outlive any of the individuals. That is what life is really all about.